I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
