Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
