I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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