just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
