wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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