She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
