I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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