Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
