Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I haven't been this sober since birth.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize