Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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