On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
