I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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