The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
