I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you inspire me to be a worse person
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
