My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
