once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
