Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
