Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
