I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
