so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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