i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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