Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
