The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
