Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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