Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
