So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
