Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
