Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
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