This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
