Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
