I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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