how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
