I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Randomize
