I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
