In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
