the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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