Im at strip club and am horny
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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