If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
