I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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