Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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