he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
