my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
