Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just saw a hot homeless man
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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