It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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