Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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