omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I stole a fireplace last night.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
