I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
