I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
