im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
