I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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