I'll bet she douches with gravy.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
