wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
