So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
