Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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