Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
