I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
