sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
