benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
