i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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