I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
