Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
