It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
