Cold hands, warm shart.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize