I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
