Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
