I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
