Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
