hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
