Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
