So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Im part way to drunk.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
