Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
