im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just invented taco cereal.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
