Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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