So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I believe in your delicious
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
