Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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