He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
