ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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